On Validation

Or: People think I'm a writer, my brain riffs, but I'm not all that sure of it myself.

Hello! I’ve had a busy few weeks with Mississippi book store events for That Pinson Girl, my debut novel released in February, and a week-long North Carolina trip to celebrate Regal House Publishing’s tenth anniversary (my press! yay!) and share the novel in some NC book stores along the way. I loved visiting Malaprop’s in Asheville with Culley Holderfield (author of Hemlock Hollow, RHP); City Lights in Sylva with Elizabeth McRae (Associate Professor of History & Director of Graduate Studies at Western Carolina University); and Quail Ridge Books in Raleigh with Mimi Herman (The Kudzu Queen, RHP). Such unique book stores and conversations, all; each chat was a joy and a discovery.

THAT PINSON GIRL at City Lights Bookstore, Sylva, NC

In one of the panel sessions at the RHP celebration, Mimi Herman gave voice to that sense of discovery I’ve felt lately: how interesting and rewarding it is, Mimi said, to talk about our books after publication. We authors are so geared to the release of the book that we don’t begin to realize how smart our subconscious mind is until we look back at the book from a different perspective and uncover things we may not have understood before. I wholeheartedly agree with Mimi. My insights into That Pinson Girl have grown each time I’ve confronted the (sometimes hard) questions and thought about the novel deeply and differently. I was very nervous, at first, to talk about it; what if someone threw me a curve ball question, one I couldn’t answer “intelligently”? Now I see the questions as windows on the world of That Pinson Girl, and the questions are worth pondering even if the answers don’t always come easily.

I also learned another important lesson from the Regal House celebration. Gathering with so many other RHP authors, I felt—maybe for the first time in my writing life—validated as an author. Publishing isn’t totally new to me. In 2015 I published a collection of short fiction, Crosscurrents and Other Stories, with Press 53, another fine NC press. And yet, even now, with two books under my belt, I sometimes lapse into imposter syndrome mode. I’m a little astonished when someone admires my work. People think I’m a writer, my brain riffs, but I’m not all that sure of it myself.

Regal House Publishing’s 10th Anniversary Celebration

So validation is important—the good reviews and sales numbers and praise. But I’ve come to the conclusion that the most important validation of all has to come from within. I suppose I will always have misgivings whenever I open a blank Word doc and get to work. I’ll make mistakes. I’ll hit walls and take wrong turns. But deep down, there’s greater certainty—or maybe hope is a better word—that with time and hard work, I’ll bring that new piece into the world. What matters more than external validation is summoning the courage to face the page, to be brave enough to send work out time and time again, knowing rejections are likely. Self-validation is the best kind: we depend on our instincts, our skills, and a strange mix of humility and pride.

So believe, author friends (and aspiring ones)! Keep doing what you’re doing. Take pride in each new sentence or paragraph or page, no matter how “rough.” Celebrate you and your work because it’s yours, not because someone else thinks it’s “good.” Learn to trust yourself, because ultimately, in a lonely room in front of a screen, or scrawling words on a notepad, that’s all we have.